I must warn whoever’s reading this that I’ve really gone overboard on the blues part of ‘Planetbuilding Blues’ this time since after a frustrating spring this summer has been one of my worst. I’d better try to compensate for that with the other part of my title at the end: planet photos.
I’ve been searching my ancient history for summers as bad. There was that summer long ago where I failed my ‘A’ levels but I still got to Scotland afterwards. Later I had a few where I came close to starving in a foreign land but there was still the adventure. That was followed by one where an unrequited love affair became a disaster 2nd to none but even then I was working hard to good effect with an adventure crossing a continent to follow.
This one though can’t be beaten for excrutiating humiliation, sheer waste of time and uselessness of the situation ones cornered into, leading to no useful work being done and minimal pleasure while one goes nowhere apart from backwards in achievement and ability.
Not the summer I was banking on when was toughing out the Covid ridden last winter.
Despite half the northern hemisphere going up in smoke from the wildfires in North America, the Mediterranean and Siberia we wound up with a typical British summer as a suitable setting: rainy weather with sub standard temperatures continuing more or less across summer to August when an anticyclone gave cause for hope, until its position kept dragging down skies of solid cloud from the Arctic, holding on to the mediocre temperatures.
The Labour leader Keir Starmer called the India variant of Covid (renamed the Delta variant for political correctness) “the Johnson variant.” One thing at least Starmer got right. For thanks to the blithering ditherings;- (got to keep our borders open just long enough for the India deal to go through – which wouldn’t have been necessary without Brexshit – and oh by the way let the disease from India in, (so much for ‘Take Back Control and Immigration)) yes thanks to the ditherings of our irrepressible champion tosser of a chum ‘Boris’ this more infectious version of Covid became just well enough established in the UK – in contrast to the rest of Europe – for me to have to call off a very modest trip by my standards taking free buses around the country seeing friends. And the business contacts who gave me the globe royalties actually. Really disappointing.
A friend running the local Steampunk group outclassed that by his suffering for the same reason, when he was forced to call off a group cruise after hanging on to it for over a year. My friend admitted on Facebook he was going through Hell cancelling it and trying to arrange refunds.
A property meeting would have cut a couple of days into the proposed time for my journey anyway. The background to this had the makings of a real nightmare! A few small fires had raised the question of a bill for alterations and since our properties had been reclad I had the 5 figure sum horrors; being mindful that that was what hapless innocents were confronted with when it became apparent they lived in places clad with the same lethal material that incinerated Grenfell Tower. When I pressed this issue at the meeting a much lower possible estimate of £200 was put forward which I doubled to £400 for the sake of reality: but it was something I could cope with. I was reminded that most people around here still couldn’t handle that and a figure over £250 would involve problems with legalities, paperwork or whatever. Or so we believe. In theory! My main fear appeared to be averted by people more in the know than I was, discussing 3 figure sums rather than 5 so I don’t think I need that bottle of whisky and loaded revolver just yet after all; but I’d sooner be more than a million miles away from a fact of life like that, that would mean the end of my lifestyle.
And my blood pressure’s worse this summer than the last one. Predictably.
All that though is dwarfed by the decisive factor: my computer.
Near the end of June Facebook didn’t download properly. After varied attempts to no avail I was advised by /………
I interrupt this account to bring breaking news: literally. My lavatory seat complicated a bodily function for the last time by sliding into partial disintegration despite previous repeated gluing. Once too often which was why I slammed it on to the floor where the lid broke up. Then I took a hammer to it. Then it fought back giving me a bleeding finger. I’m taking the remains to Homebase tomorrow with the aim of getting a suitable new one.
Meanwhile the vacuum cleaner has gone on stike and is at the electrical shop for restarting. I have never known a year like this for computer crap plus mundane mechanical crap!
I was about to explain that in response to the Facebook problem the local branch of the computer company Novatech advised me to restart Windows 10. Travel writer Bill Bryson put it really well when he tried to get help for his computer: “Already I can feel a riptide of ignorance and shame pulling me out into the icy depths of Humiliation Bay.” I feel just that whenever a machine such as a computer or something mundane presents me with a problem I can’t handle. This summer I’ve been put back in touch with how painful it could be to be continually presented at school with a subject one knows one’s not good at, nearly everyone else being better at it, but still having to endure it. One has to try not to forget what one’s good at.
Nevertheless I took their advice and manfully tried to cope with the plethora of complications that produced, with some success, despite a phone number on a Google search leading me to nearly being scammed! I wont go into detail because there’ll be plenty elsewhere in a minute but to have that on top of the stress I was already under! No harm was done but scammers – especially computer ones – remind me that I do indeed have an evil side.
After soldiering on for awhile a friend involved with a computer business finally was able to join me to help by remote control access: after being prevented from email access by repeated computer demands to change account settings. Unfortunately before we could get to the stuff I wanted seeing to he thought we could do with a quick upgrade, before I could think of saying the computer automatically gives notice of upgrades when due.
The upgrade button led to him being cut off from the computer when it presented me with the blue screen of judgement!
Not only was he cut off, I was put on the last spot I wanted to be where the only options on the blue screen led to repeated demands for passwords and rejections of any I could give or dream up, while all the while I had to relay that by telephone. We’ve had a good friendship but upgrades could be a sore point between us and passwords a festering one. I wasn’t that good at recording them though God knows I’d tried. So that session ended in disastrous failure. I’d tried to keep cool throughout and he belatedly realised an unscheduled upgrade could lead to that kind of trouble but that was all futile, the damage had been done. Re-installation of Windows 10 was now necessary and the successful work I’d put in earlier had been wiped out.
It was as though my computer was nastily exploiting any weakness it could find in me to the full. First cut off support, then set me a password exam! During this wasted summer my computer became an inimical little shit of a bureaucrat intent on taking over my life to relentlessly exercise a grudge by devising one nit picking pestilential problem after another; driving me to contemplate doing a Jack Nicholson as in ‘The Shining.’ “We need to change your account settings.” BASH! (the weapon of choice being a sledgehammer) “How about a nice upgrade?” WALLOP! “Password?” CRUNCH! “That password is invalid,” CRASH! And so on until “Darling. I’m home!”
I nearly did because when I unplugged the computer to transport that to the computer shop that had helped me in spring I felt something wet on its underside. It was (since it had cut me) my own blood! That was when I kicked it. As hard as I could. Twice.
Re-installing Windows 10 and attempting to get Adobe Photoshop going led to the discovery that Adobe Photoshop had been upgraded beyond reach of the CDs, which led to further humiliation at the computer shop. This included an accusation of me “moaning” (not without cause) and refusal to do more work with Photoshop. What could I do? Attempts to describe what I was going through by letting rip could lead to humour but instead it seemed to make things even worse by antagonising or depressing people. Attempts to keep control of oneself while all this mental garbage was being inflicted led to bottled up stress and misery. There was nothing for it but to submit Zen Buddhist meditation style to a tour of every conceivable and inconceivable part of Shit Creek. While learning what one could, like a good computer nerd despite repeated scrambling of ones brains.
The re-installation didn’t seem to work when I got the infernal machine back home. I contacted Novatech and took it to them. I learned that it was because I hadn’t connected some wire to the right cunt of a hole, but that was just as well because the computer shop hadn’t sorted out the ‘drivers,’ whatever the fuck they were. Novatech and me got the computer working properly to the extent of retrieving my written stuff, half of which I thought I’d lost, along with my address database, also retrieved.
That left the photography images which I’d been working on, on and off for over 12 years. Thank the Lord I’d backed them up and they were restored too, but the main casualty was the ability to download slides. I’d been making good progress through the pandemic but still had 1/3 of a box to go and that bloody unnecessary upgrade that had started the real trouble was responsible for the removal of the last version of Windows 10 capable of handling that! And nobody wanted to know about Windows XP, which had never given this trouble.
My computer company friend had remarked that the technology had become too complicated to be handled properly. What an admission! What a different slant to the happy clappy marketing images advertising the latest all singing all dancing computer related product. I hate those images: those inanely grinning family twits in sunlit surroundings gleefully worshipping the latest achievement of trivia. The reality being pushed here after all the BS is one of contrived complications wasting ones time in order to get back what used to be simple while providing a nice little earner for commercial interests causing the trouble, if you’re lucky! I still had to find a way of downloading those slides.
My last hope it seemed was another computer shop in Gosport where I’d found some good equipment. Here I found what could be the breakthrough! A small camera one could feed slides into. By that time though July had been totally lost and I was halfway through the summer holidays. I’d reserved the latter half as a 3 week break free of computer issues come what may, to recover from what had gone before. It was pleasant enough with meals out with friends and a few barbecues with Covid restrictions for once being ignored, but this week I’ve returned to work as it were and have found I still have to master that camera, hoping it will be the answer. Today I tried to get the Gosport computer shop to run it past me one last time but they were closed on an unusual day. Typical.
It hasn’t been all bad of course and a major problem in one area can bring about opportunities in another. I used the time without a computer to redo a jigsaw depicting a few Brachiosaurus and did well considering the guiding picture had gone. I became re-aquainted with a board game I hadn’t touched in decades that I could play solo. Best of all I finally got together a montage of my Mum & Dads’ lives, framed and hung on my lounge wall. After swearing I’d do that 14 years ago.
But these recent pleasures and achievements have just been summed up in one sub-sized paragraph whereas the rest of it?……………….And it’s not over yet! Apart from the camera not being resolved there is word of ‘Windows 11’ soon arriving, which will continue this bloody cycle.
Never mind. I’m taking a who dares wins approach to plans next year involving SF conventions, Europe and America.
Oh and at least I’ve sorted out the bloody lavatory.
Now for the planets.
Another ‘ExoEarth’ on the ‘Teletubby Hills.’ Landscaped features at the back of my place.
Copyright D Angus 09 21
planetbuildingblues 